'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
