The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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