i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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