you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
