Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
