I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron