Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.

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(815): Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything. http://tfl.nu/a0v1

Replies (33) Good night (695) Bad night (3004)
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(518): View more from New York

im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.

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(518): im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there. http://tfl.nu/bvrv

Replies (27) Good night (4694) Bad night (1053)
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(760): View more from California

I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"

(760): View more from California

When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."

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(760): I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex" (760): When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely." http://tfl.nu/jlap

Replies (19) Good night (6855) Bad night (672)
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(613): View more from Ontario

ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

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(613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19

Replies (33) Good night (5834) Bad night (1163)
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(214): View more from Texas

Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us

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(214): Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us http://tfl.nu/gb64

Replies (13) Good night (1383) Bad night (2832)
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(805): View more from California

I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard

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(805): I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard http://tfl.nu/np0a

Replies (5) Good night (952) Bad night (1887)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.

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(519): He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride. http://tfl.nu/vs7z

Replies (8) Good night (1652) Bad night (1112)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.

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(319): Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party. http://tfl.nu/bbcz

Replies (11) Good night (1403) Bad night (510)
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(415): View more from California

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT

(707): View more from California

I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.

(415): View more from California

I effort

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(415): I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT (707): I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT. (415): I effort http://tfl.nu/ft8e

Replies (6) Good night (1423) Bad night (484)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses

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(802): I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses http://tfl.nu/9pm9

Replies (4) Good night (586) Bad night (697)
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(678): View more from Georgia

You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.

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(678): You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes. http://tfl.nu/g0jp

Replies (1) Good night (370) Bad night (614)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza

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(908): Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza http://tfl.nu/tg8r

Replies (1) Good night (724) Bad night (231)
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(360): View more from Washington

Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up

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(360): Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up http://tfl.nu/7s1p

Replies (1) Good night (534) Bad night (193)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Shit is preposterous

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(610): I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans (610): Shit is preposterous http://tfl.nu/iova

Replies (2) Good night (612) Bad night (257)
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(770): View more from Georgia

you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.

(1-770): View more from Georgia

But what if it got lost?

(770): View more from Georgia

its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.

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(770): you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in. (1-770): But what if it got lost? (770): its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it. http://tfl.nu/ord5

Replies (2) Good night (387) Bad night (225)

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