Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.