Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize