i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?