how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
