There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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