i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
