I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
