Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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