They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
