two words: eviction party
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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