Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
