She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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