Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
