upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
