It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
