I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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