I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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