the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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