I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
