she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
