why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
