Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
