the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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