What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
