there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
