the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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