Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
