put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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