Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
