I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
