i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
