you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
