Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
