masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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