He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
