So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
