I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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