I feel great
I just peed on a car
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
