Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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