I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
