whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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