Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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