The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
