Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
