my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
