I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
