I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
