Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize