Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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