i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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