your parents love me but you hate me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
