I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
