I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In America we eat man semen.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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