She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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