Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Congratulations! We have a period
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