Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
