Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
