textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
