I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
