I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
