Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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