Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
