we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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