dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
