Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
His hands were made for my vagina.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
