I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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