I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
