i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
