I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
